Evelyn
Berry is a life-long lover of science fiction
romance and appreciates a good discussion on writing craft. Thus, a discussion
on POV was born. For more helpful tips or funny life lessons, find her on
Twitter: @eviebromance or Facebook.
What
is Deep Point of View (POV)? Deep POV has been
described as close third person. Orson Scott Card[i]
describes deep POV as, “intense ‘hot’ narration; no other narrative strategy
keeps the reader so closely involved with the character and the story.” I like
Gerke’s[ii]
description of POV as a reader sitting in a submarine with no windows. The
world outside the submarine is your story. The only way the reader can
experience that world is by looking through a periscope. If we take this
analogy further, writers can zoom in and zoom out of a scene allowing the
reader to focus in on the most important person/object.
Card goes on to mention that no one level
of POV penetration will be right for the entire story. This makes sense to me –
you can’t zoom in to any one person or thing for too long. Nelson calls this
‘narrative distance’[iii].
YOU, as the author, need to decide
when to zoom in and when to zoom out. Here are a few tips to get you to zoom
in.
1)
Describe things/people the way
the POV character would describe them. Our current experiences are colored by a
myriad of previous experiences and how we’ve been socialized. E.g., Darth
Vader’s experience losing his mother made him vulnerable (and unstable) to the
idea that he would lose Padme in childbirth.
2)
Remove filter words, such as:
feel/felt, know/knew, wondered, realized, speculated, saw, wished…etc. When
these filter words are coupled with pronouns (see #3), it creates narrative
distance. Readers have zoomed out so fast they got whiplash.
3)
Review use of personal pronouns
– pronouns remind the reader that they are not the hero/heroine and pulls them
out of the story.
a.
Use personal pronouns during
action sentences. E.g., “She slung her duffel bag over her shoulder.”
b.
Try not to use personal
pronouns during perception sentences. If your character likes/dislikes
something/someone, pronouns can filter this perception. E.g., “She thought Dr.
Brown was wasting his time questioning Sephorum.” By getting rid of ‘She thought’, it removes
the filter word and pronoun.
c.
Describe the things how the POV
character would describe them. Use the character’s five senses – sounds,
smells, touch, taste, and sight.
4)
It bears repeating: Show, don’t
tell. - Instead of saying, “She was scared.” Describe the physical, internal
sensations, and mental reactions. I would recommend “The Emotional Thesaurus: A
writer’s guide to character expression[iv].” Instead of “She was scared.” You could write,
“She shook uncontrollably.” Or “She gripped the handle until her nails bit into
her palms.” *ouch* That description made me wince – Good! That means the reader
is, too.
5)
Evidential and Modal Verbs –
what are these? They’re words like: Can, could, might, shall, should, will,
etc. These words help the hero/heroine describe their internal judgment as they
evaluate a situation and express their opinion.
a.
The doctor could yell until her
voice gave out, Daphne wasn’t staying in the hospital one more hour.
When I revise my manuscripts, I look for
places where I could get deeper POV.
Does this mean that every character needs
deep POV? No. And not all scenes should be deep POV. I have to remind myself to
zoom in and zoom out with supreme judgment.
